The Final Battle - Sirius Vs Hermione
by INSTAbookboysarebetter
Summary: She'd thought the battle ended with Voldemort. She was wrong. You all voted for this, so here it is. Hermione and Sirius, the final battle.
1. Chapter 1

Hermione walked out from the tattered remains of the school she had once loved, within it, the corpses of all her friends – and enemies. No one knew how it had happened.

Voldemort had just been defeated when Albus Dumbledore walked out of the school alive. He was followed by Fred Weasley, then Dobby, who hadn't even died on the schools grounds. One by one her fallen allies and enemies emerged from the building, until finally Voldemort himself got to his feet. There was rejoicing and celebration and then, chaos.

A bolt of lighting shot from the sky, striking down Delores Umbridge. At first no one did anything, no one seemed to care (Hermione certainly didn't) but then Snape was killed a few people sort of started to get a bit worried. They were still pretty fifty-fifty on the whole Snape thing.

"ONE SHALL SURVIVE," an impossibly loud voice told her. It sounded ageless and expressionless and seemed to be coming from inside her head. "CHOOSE OR I CHOOSE FOR YOU!"

"This is ridiculous!" Cho exclaimed, tossing her wand to the ground. She was promptly struck my lightning.

"I HOPE THAT CHANG-ED YOUR MIND." Apparently the voice like terrible puns.

There was a collective groan from the group, alerting Hermione that everyone else was hearing the voice too.

"Well crap." Trelawny mutters, firing a quick 'avadacadavra' at Bellatrix.

The crowd gasped.

"She cast an Unforgivable!" Said Seamus, casting an Unforgivable.

Hermione rushed through the crowd as bodies fell left and right. This was madness! There had to be a better way to stop this.

Inspiration struck. Hermione knew what she had to do. The one solution to everything…


	2. Chapter 2

The library.

Hermione rush through the school and up to the library, ripping book after book of the shelves. She rushed back outside when she'd gotten what she'd come from and surveyed the crowd. All most half of the wizards there had died. Most were death eaters… but still. She had to act faster.

"THE POWER OF KNOWLEDGE BITCHES!" Hermione shrieked, chucking the heaviest book from her bag at Lucius Malfoy who died instantly.

"Hermione, it is unbecoming to swear!" Molly scolded.

Flitwick fired a spell at Ginny, killing her.

"NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH!" Molly swore, killing Tonks then getting killed by Flitwick.

Hermione surged forwards, hauling book after book at her fellow wizards. Her reading had prepared her for this. Suzanne Collins had taught her well.

Finally, Hermione reached her friends. She hated leaving them alone like this, it was only so long before Best Mate became more popular than Romione. "Ron, Harry, I-" Hermione tripped over Blaise's corpes, a book flying out of her hands and hitting Ron in the head. He dropped dead.

"Well crap!" Hermione exclaimed. _Harmony it was than._

Harry looked horrified. " 'Mione, Ron-"

"Ron's been dead for like five seconds Harry, move on."

"But-"

Hermione thrusted a book into Harry's shaking hands. "Throw this at someone if they come at you."

"I- I can't-"

"Potter," Draco appeared behind them. The now-duo spun around, but were met with a worried look instead of Draco's usual scowl. "I- I just watched all my friends kill each other," he said quietly "Potter, you're the chosen one, what do we do?"

The two boys regarded each other curiously and Hermione sighed. Drarry ruined her two highest non-canon ships. She needed to stay relevant on .

Pulling another book out from her bag she launched it at Harry. The Dramione Fanfics had always been a lot more fun anyways.

She turned around to see Malfoy gaping at her, wand outstretch. "What the hell Granger?" He started to mutter an incantation but Hermione was quicker.

In seconds, _The Twilight Saga boxset_ was flying through the air. It rebounded off Draco's forehead with a shower of blood. Hermione shrugged, she supposed some good had come from the trilogy after all.

Soon, almost no one remained. By the time they were down to the final three a crowd of muggles had began to form. The spell on Hogwarts had evidently been removed. The fight still didn't stop.

Hermione, Dobby, and Luna remained. Hermione hauling her books, Luna some how miraculously avoiding every spell and curse thrown at her, and Dobby apparently being seriously skilled at using a machete he had suspiciously had stored under his shirt. Apparently that's why he had been so desperate for clothing in the first place.

Hermione had to choose her mark, and it was clear who the bigger threat was. She picked up a discarded book from the ground and tossed it at Dobby, watching as it squashed the house elf like a fly.

"S.P.E.W. baby," she grinned to herself as his blood spewed out all over the place.

"NOOOOOOO," the muggle audience gasped. Particularly a young muggle boy by the name of Andrewsun17 (Hermione wasn't quite sure how he got those numbers in his name).

Hermione shrugged and made her way towards Luna as the girl chased a butterfly. Luna, the human embodiment of equality and happiness. Luna, ever the optimist, no matter the circumstances. Luna, loyal and pure.

Hermione killed her too. It was all quite easy. "I WON!" She screamed to the sobbing crowd. "I'M THE WINNER!"

"Not quite…." A voice called out from behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

"Sirius!" Hermione exclaimed. "I-I thought you were dead."

"Well I'm NOT!" Sirius exclaimed. "But you know who is?"

"Sirius I-"

"Shut up!" Sirius exploded. "All of my friends! Harry! Lu-" his voice broke. "Moony."

Hermione placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You've been reading the fanfic's too?"

"Of course I have! I was dead for like a whole book, what else was I supposed to do!"

Hermione tried to remain casual as she reached down for another book, but found nothing. All her books were gone!

"What the-"

That's when she spotted a bunch of muggles dragging them all away.

"SIRIUS MUST SURVIVE!" They exclaimed.

"Who the hell are you?" Hermione asked.

"I'm holo_its_me." The leader extended their hand towards her. "Nice to meet you, sorry about the whole needing you to die thing."

The other four muggles introduced themselves as , Anita_bonita_seniorita, Megva.26, and . .books (Hermione still wasn't sure how they did that with their names)

"Isn't anyone on my side!" Hermione asked the crowd. Her question was answered when she noticed Fandomizeitt_ throwing a dog toy at Sirius to distract him while mushu_umi, da_stripe_squad, arlbk000 and _.vivianos._ began to throw bones.

"Guys!" Hermione shrieked. "Just let us fight!"

The ten muggles all shrugged and rejoined the cheering crowd. There were now two clear sides and fist fights were breaking out.

"Well Sirius," Hermione addressed her proposal. "To make us fair, I propose we both take ten-"

"AVADACADAVRA!" Sirius yelled.

"Bloody hell." Hermione died.


	4. Chapter 4

Hermione opened her eyes to whiteness. A pimply faced teen in all white approached her. Hermione blinked and King's Cross slowly materialized around her.

"Who are you? Aren't you supposed to be Dumbledore?"

"Nah," The girl shrugged. "That wouldn't've worked if Dumbledore was one of the final two."

"What-"

"This is my story. I get to be Death, okay?" The girl's eye began to twitch.

"Okay," Hermione held up her arms in surrender. "Do whatever you want."

The girl grinned and bowed. "I-" she said dramatically, "am Book_boys_are_better." She looked at Hermione expectedly.

"Is that- is that supposed to mean something to me?"

The girls smile vanished. "Hey, shut up! Two thousand followers doesn't make me _completely_ irrelevant."

"Whatever you say," Hermione sang.

"Just-" the girl became agitated. "Just get back out there, okay?"

"You're bringing me back to life?" Hermione began to regret teasing the wonder, amazing, incredible teen.

"Yeah. The followers chose you and I'm too lazy to write this from two perspectives."

"What are you-"

Book_boys_are_better began massaging her forehead. "Just go kill Sirius." Then… Hermione woke up.

Sirius was crying over her corpse and did not realize she had come back to life. Hermione slowly reached out for her wand and swung it towards Sirius.

"Avadacadavra!" She screamed, while Sirius shouted "Expelliarmus!"

Sirius died.

Hermione laughed as she walked away from her old school to the boos and applause of the muggles.

 _Who used Expelliarmus in a death match?_


End file.
